Adventures in Parenting: Chapter 2, Bodily Functions

In order to truly appreciate the ramifications of today's post, take a moment to read this one first.

Now on to the #1 topic at hand, or should I say, the #2 topic.

You would think I would have learned by now...'cause after all I'm an educated person with 2 pieces of paper hanging on my office wall in frames that cost more than my college tuition. I thought I had a brain cell or 2 to rub together, but apparently, I don't.

I don't learn from my mistakes at times. It's probably because in the back of my sad little mind I am thinking, "Well surely it wouldn't happen again...would it? That was just a one-time thing...right?

This evening, Sydney and I enjoyed a bubble bath. Emerging from the bath squeaky clean and smelling like a field of lavender, we began our evening ritual...jammies, night cap of moo juice, and story time.

Sydney was sitting on her towel in her room on her foam puzzle tiles reading a book. She was peaceful, quiet, and reveling in all of her beauty, just the way God made her... while I gathered up the night time lotion and P.J.'s.

I sat down in the rocking chair and for reasons I still cannot explain, decided to give Chris a quick call to see when he would be coming home. I normally do not dilly dally when Sydney is in an unclothed state, but after all she WAS sitting on her towel, on the foam tiles, and by golly, she was happy that way.

Within a matter of seconds into my phone call, I looked down and Sydney was NOT on her towel, NOT on the foam tiles, and was NO longer squeaky clean, and smelled like the FARTHEST thing from a field of lavender. Covering her body, hands, feet, toys, book, and Berber was the biggest mess I had ever seen. I will leave it at that and spare you the description.

I told Chris, "I gotta go. I gotta go RIGHT now. I don't have time to explain why, but I gotta LET YOU GO right NOW!!"

I grabbed my poo covered girl and went right back to the bath tub and then she grabbed me and proceeded to "wipe" off the excess. Bath # 2 was under way, for both of us.

Clean up was treacherous, but I survived. I think I have finally learned my lesson about babies who are unclad. I hope...

My now super clean baby can go from darling to disgusting in 8 seconds flat. Believe me. Take this advice seriously. It is not something to play with. An undiapered child is a dangerous child.

And the people said, "Amen."