Panic, Stress, & Petroleum Jelly

This picture gives me the creeps.

It makes me close my eyes and take a breath.

The visage of an ordinary shopping cart is forever tainted in my thoughts and dreams.

*shudder*

I will never again look at a shopping cart in the same way after yesterday.

What? You don't see it?

Look again. 

There. Do you see it now?

Do you see the evil lurking?

Do you see the maniacal madness just waiting to unleash itself on an unsuspecting child?

Do you think I've officially lost my marbles?

If you do, then you are right.

My marbles are rolling around somewhere in the Jo Ann's Fabric store in Beaumont, Texas.

Yep, my marbles are there along with minuscule shards of my nerves and shell-shocked fabric cutter people wearing cute little green aprons.

...deep breath...

Went to Beaumont yesterday to shop with my mom and her buddy.

Sydney went along.

It rained cats, dogs, and squirrels.

Literal monsoon.

Sydney was not cheerful to be in the rain.

Went to Jo Ann's fabrics so my mom and her buddy could fulfill their unquenchable desire for fat quarters, quilting needles, and McCall's patterns.

And all of those things are good things. God Bless Grandmas that sew. My love to you.

Sydney found herself browsing the aisles with Gigi.

She was in heaven.

Until we got to the checkout line and discovered that her chubby little leg

which was supposed to be here...

(child pictured not Sydney)

WAS ACTUALLY HERE!! 

Yes, her calf was wedged into that 1 1/2 inch space between two polished steel bars.

How in the world she got her leg in that spot is still a mystery.

Let me sum it up to say that is was

mayhem, hysteria, and pandemonium...

weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth...

panic, stress, and petroleum jelly...

store managers, fabric cutters, and terrified clerks...

uh..did I mention weeping and WAILING?

Several minutes (which seemed like eternity) and a greased up leg later,

my child was free.

Thanks to the quick thinking of the Jo Ann's crew and my sharp eye for finding the gap in the bars where my Houdini wedged her foot...Sydney experienced deliverance first hand.

And I experienced my first heart attack as a parent.

Which explains to you why I neglected to post yesterday.

I just wasn't ready.

But, after a good night sleep, I am ready to share my mama trauma with the world.

It is my service to you as a mama.

For the love of all that is good and holy...

Make your kid wear shoes to the store...

Even if their feet will never hit the ground...

It makes leg wedging much more difficult.

Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall

In order to make space for all of my new Sydney portraits, a mirror had to come down. Don't worry, it is being relocated to another room in the house, but for now, is on the floor where Sydney can get a full-length view of herself.

She says, "hi" to herself.
She says, "buy bye" to herself.
She kisses herself.
She reaches behind the mirror so she can touch the little girl in the mirror.
She dances for herself.
She makes faces for herself.
She smiles at herself.

Well, I guess we have a healthy self-image. Now, if I can just keep her from weighing herself on the bathroom scale.

Letter Writing

I think I shall write a letter.

A letter to Merriam & Webster...

I shall propose that they add a picture to accompany a particular phrase found in the dictionary.

You know...a picture to go along with the sentences that are used to fully illustrate the multiple meanings words.
Main Entry: cheesy

Pronunciation: \ˈchē-zē\

Function: adjective

Inflected Form(s): chees·i·er; chees·i·est

Date: 14th century

1 a : resembling or suggesting cheese especially in consistency or odor b : containing cheese

2 : shabby 3: cheap 4: insincere, silly

— chees·i·ness: noun

Yes, I think either of these gorgeous snapshots will help fully illustrate the depths of the  meaning of the word, "Cheesy."

And since I'm on the subject of cheesiness and letter writing, I think I shall write an additional letter to the Gerber baby food company and suggest they make the Little Crunchies snacks in huge, economy-sized cans that I can purchase at Sam's on a monthly basis for an astronmical price. Between Chris and Sydney, we go through 3-4 cans a week. I can't keep him out of them and she inhales them like the air she breathes.

Ahhh...the power of the pen!

She Don't Do Windows

I was visiting with a good friend the other day about how Sydney has recently developed an interest in "sweeping" with the big broom and "vacuuming" with the Dustbuster. I also mentioned that I was looking for a mini broom and dust pan so she could begin practicing these skills. After all, it is never too early to develop good cleaning habits, don'tcha know?

Well a few days later, Sydney received a surprise package on our doorstep.

Well, lookee here...lookee here! Just what I need!

Inside, she found an entire cleaning set: mop, broom, dust pan, mop bucket, small sweeper brush, and a full can of "cleaning spray."

The child was in heaven and has been busily "cleaning" my house ever since. She believes that the one handed broom approach is best and that you can accomplish so much more if you mop and sweep at the same TIME! We won't discuss the knick knacks that have met their demise as a result of her vigorous broom swinging method.

A woman's work is never done.

This mop is pretty handy for the walls, mom.

What shall I knock over clean next?

Now, if I could just attach these somehow...talk about cleaning efficiency...

Special thanks to Sydney's very sweet Aunt who sent her such great cleaning supplies!

No Place Like Home

One of the best things about being at home is the freedom you have to just relax, be yourself, and be accepted.

If you want to stay in your rattiest pajamas all day and be free from from any restrictive supportive undergarments, that's fine!

If you want to lay in the middle of your living room floor and stare at the ceiling while your child uses your abdomen as a trampoline, that's A-OK!

If you take a notion to turn up your favorite song to ear shattering decibels while you dance around the kitchen, more power to you!

AND....if you want to cover every square inch of wall space in your home with beautiful portraits of the joy of your life, GO FOR IT!

And on that note...I had 2 of Sydney's 1 year pictures framed, and they turned out fantastic. I took a picture of the obnoxiously large one. It's tricky to take a picture of a picture...unless you're my husband, and then it's a piece of cake. I don't have his skills. Whatcha think?

I could just stare at this cherubic face all day. I lub my bebe girl.

Jon Royce with Reflections Custom Framing & Engraving in Beaumont created this gorgeous frame...and what is so wonderful is that all I told him was..."I want it big and beautiful...just perform your magic."

And this is what I got! Amazing!

Check out Jon's website to take a gander at the thousands of frames and mattes you can select.

http://www.reflectionscustomframing.com/ 

Now, I think I'll go lay on the couch, eat a bag of frozen grapes, and stare at my stinkerbell's picture on the wall above my couch where EVERYONE can see it. Ahh..

Monstrous Monday

Every now and again, I have a day that is totally a do-over.

I am not one of those people who constantly complain about how horrible Mondays treat me. Mondays are most likely my most productive days. But, I was due for a Monstrous Monday and it hit me full force today.

(Big Breath) Here we go...
Sydney overslept. She wouldn't wake up. It was like raising a corpse.
I had to work today. I was meeting two teachers at the office and I was on a schedule. Did I mention I overslept, too?
The comatose child refused to wake up and was extremely unpleasant once she was forced off her Sealy Posturepedic Baby's Dream mattress.
Cranky child was thrown into the highchair while assorted breakfast foods were thrown at her.
Kid was dropped off her babysitter's house and I scooted off to work not realizing the car was sucking gas fumes.
Barely made it to work. My dear teacher friends who met me there were waiting patiently on their "prompt" co-worker. We set to work...
The internet project they were working on was very difficult to complete since the website we were downloading from had sporadic seizures all day requiring reboots and exorcisms.
After a frustrating morning at the office dealing with technology, I hobbled my way to the gas station and sped over to the sitter's to get my cheerful child.
The cheerful child was in a better mood and was ready to grab some lunch and go to work with Mommy for an hour while we waited on GiGi (grandma) to get off work and come pick her up @ 2:00.
It was then I realized that my cell phone service was completely gone. It kept alerting me of voice mails and extremely important messages but I was never able to retrieve them, which made me want to rip my arm hairs out one by one.
Gigi never showed up to pick up the office destroyer Sydney and I was forced to leave work and find some one's door step upon which to deposit my child.
Lucky for me, my precious, wonderful, neighbor who babysits for me occasionally just happened to be home. I literally threw Sydney into her house and thanked her profusely while speeding BACK to work still wondering where in the world my mom could have been.
That's when the phone beeped again saying I had yet another voice mail, but due to my super duper cell phone service, I was unable to check it, still....
Finished the day at work battling the Internet, adobe reader, and printers and then picked up the kid.
Decided that I was NOT going to cook dinner and went to a local fast food establishment to grab some healthy fried chicken.
Got ripped off on my fried chicken family deal since the lady at the register was unable to count, add numbers, and understand English. Didn't care... I think I ended up paying $3.00 for each piece of chicken before it was all over with...
Chicken was utterly disgusting. My husband couldn't eat it. I forced down one piece. Put the rest away to feed my mom's dogs.
And now, as I listen to the pouring rain, I thank my lucky stars that....
I am dry.
I am fed.
I am employed.
I am not walking everywhere I go.
I am loved.
I am blessed.
Just takes a Monstrous Monday every once in a while to keep things in perspective.
Okay, then, I've got the point. Enough already. Bring on Tuesday! Please...

Diddy

and she calls him, "Diddy"